Rely on yourself

What does “empowering ourselves” mean? I’ve learnt to pat myself on the shoulder saying to myself “Good job!” Because sometimes no one else would do it, and instead of doubting my choice I realize that I don’t need others’ approval, and having mine… Is just fine.

Of course, having a team that cheers for you and supports you, would be ideal, and I imagine it would make a great difference as well, in terms of validation received, in terms of being acknowledged and seen… But I do not have that team. And sometimes friends are caught up in their own life too, and family might be too deep down in everything with you… As a result, I kept doing, and doing, and doing, until I had to stop and just acknowledge the bitterness I felt for not having someone that congratulated me for what I was doing, and cheered for me, or who just told me “Well done, girl! I knew you could!”.

Finally, I started to realise that for my own good, there was no reason why that someone shouldn’t be me. I could do it! I have to say that learning to look for my approval in the first place has been a lifesaver, and taught me to deeply appreciate my value. And why not?

Well done!
Say “Well done!” to yourself.

Using the power of dopamine to our advantage

Furthermore, there is a very good reason for which you should focus on congratulating with yourself and celebrate your wins with yourself, and that reason is called dopamine.

Dopamine is a chemical compound, precisely a neurotransmitter, produced by our brains that plays an important part in motivating behaviour. Our brain releases it when we take a bite of delicious food, when we have sex, after we exercise, when we have successful social interactions. In an evolutionary context, it rewards us for beneficial behaviours and motivates us to repeat them. We call it the “Feel Good” neurotransmitter for this reason.

Our brain release dopamine when anticipating or experiencing rewarding events. In particular, it reinforces the association between a stimulus or sequence of behaviours and the feel-good reward that follows. Every time a response to a stimulus results in a reward, these associations become stronger through a process called long-term potentiation. This process strengthens frequently used connections between brain cells called neurons by increasing the intensity at which they respond to particular actions. (To know more about Dopamine, find this interesting article on news medical net.


If we expect an external reward to get satisfaction and acknowledgement for our efforts/choices, and that reward does not come for whatever reason, we miss out on dopamine. If we instead focus on ourselves and decide to acknowledge our results, giving us the same (or a similar) reward we would have expected, this creates a powerful reaction in our brain, and we get a positive reinforcement that will make us do again the same thing that led to the reward.

Reinforcing good behaviour

If you are proud of what you have achieved, instead of wasting a single moment looking for somebody else appreciation, just be proud of yourself, and congratulate with yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back, treat yourself, shout out loud “Well done!” and feel the gratitude and admiration for what you have done feel your whole self.

Find an exultation gesture that has a meaning for you, celebrate your wins! Then your brain, and your subconscious with it, will learn that what you have done has generated that reward, and will focus on repeating the same actions/pattern/behaviour, to get the reward again.

celebrate your wins
Celebrate your wins


Empowering ourselves means listening to our inner voice, trusting ourselves and our judgement, being self-conscious, acknowledge our strength, whatever it might be. Celebrate your own wins, and it will lead you to become self-centred and happy in your own skin, in your head, in your soul.

We have this life, here and now, and what we do with it is mainly up to us.

And it’s no bed of roses, I’m telling you. Nonetheless, in the end, when I’m alone, and I look into myself, I’m able to warm up at the fire of my soul, and I know that keeping that flame alive is the only and single thing that will get me through everything.

So going on is definitely easier relying on your own approval, because you learnt that it’s never going to fail you.

Pat yourself on the shoulder and shout out loud ‘GOOD JOB!” And let your approval be enough.

Let me know in the comments if this sounds interesting to you! If you want to know more about empowering mindset, head to the mindset section.


Image credit: Pixabay 

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